Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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