he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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