Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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