good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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