I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
