Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
