I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sobbing to NWA
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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