dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
