I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
