you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize