is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize