i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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