There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
