1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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