So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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