Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
