My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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