worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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