Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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