guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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