Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
