If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he's single and there are thong briefs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
