If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
