when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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