This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
