my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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