No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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