Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
