I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
