Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
