my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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