hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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