I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
