you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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