I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
