bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
