So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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