So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
