I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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