At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
