nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
