Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
