i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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