Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
