After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
