do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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