I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
