i don't like sucking hair
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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