I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
