Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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