we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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