i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
