dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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