i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
