the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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