There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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