3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
