I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
