Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
