Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
