I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
pop tarts are not kleenex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
