Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
