No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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