So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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