im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
In America we eat man semen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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