don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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