Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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