i may or may not be watching the land before time
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
