I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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