It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize