I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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