Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
