just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
